human-ing

We had a couple of snow days this past week. At least for the local schools. As I was driving in to work one of those days. M was getting ready to get his second vaccine. I was driving to a job I enjoy and am grateful for—but not in my late 40’s life plan. Much of my life is nothing like that imaginary plan I had in my early 20’s…
And a friend of ours, who is in another round of cancer treatment, was out shoveling snow. With a Chiefs hat on and a smile.

And I thought about how hard it is to be a human.

In Running With the Horses, by Eugene H. Peterson, he has a line in there about we can’t fully be human, until we are in relationship with God. Not the “say a prayer, show up at church on a regular basis” kind of relationship, but the kind that takes effort.

I have declared (actually, submitted) to 2022 being the year I finish unpacking the unnecessary junk I carry around with me. The internal and external stuff. This is requiring a stronger pulse, sore muscles and a humbled spirit. And a lot of breathing. I know this is a life long process, and Jeremiah, in the book of Jeremiah is inspiring me to stay with the work.

When I saw our friend look up at smile at me, I wondered what all was going through his mind. Personally, he is a strong guy kind of guy, and I wondered if he thought any thoughts that included, this would only have taken me ____ minutes and way less energy before.

I’ve lost a lot of strength and mobility since closing the studio. As I work to realign, there are things I continue to be surprised I can’t do. I needed to give myself permission to hit pause in some areas of my life—I did not have the time nor the mind space. And now, I feel the after affects of life not going as planned.

We all experience life not going as planned. However, the feeling of the experience is another story. The experience can be ignored, rushed through, positive-thought out of actually dealing with the unplanned life happenings. Or it can be felt and relinquished. More work with the last one.

I can quickly think of people who do all of the above. As much as it hurts, I desire to be in the last group of experiencers. With God not only at my side, but within me.

There aren’t quick fixes. There are avoidance techniques, but not quick fixes.